Irish Taxi Forum
Public Area => Taxi Talk => Topic started by: john m on June 08, 2020, 07:49:39 am
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John the Handsome debonair driver rolled over in bed scratched his hole then went back to sleep .The Sun cascaded in through the curtains in the back bedroom the Glow of sunlight shimmering through the dust particles as the huge bulk stirred in the bed and dragged the Duvet over its head .
Ah fuckit thought the Handsome whore Ill knock on the telly shout at the kids to make breakfast and turn on the taxi app and watch all the jobs ping on the screen ,after all the lockdown is over things are normally normal again .The silence of the room was broken by the waffeling of Brian Dobson on the news and the clanging of a spoon in a teacup being transported up the stairs .John listened intently to the phone for a taxi job ping .Nothing absolutely nothing not a prebook not a ping .He drank his tea rearranged his sack then went back to sleep .
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The Hard Brown dropped into the bowl torrents of water splashed the porcaline as the gick waves shimmered in the yellow coloured waters of last nights gargle .John was out of bed a shit and a shave and a shower, that barely wet him as he once again did as he was asked and conserved water ..He washed his hands stood deathly still .That noise what was it ? was it the ping of a Free Now job on his Samsung ?No. Its been an hour now since the on button of the app was engaged and still no offer of work .Thank Fuck for the 350 the big man thought as he belted up his Wranglers and headed down the stairs to flop on the Sofa .What time is the first race today at Naas he thought as the door to the living room and Sofa heaven swung open .
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Agast with delight its happened a prebooked job for 17 minutes time flashed up its the first offer of the day .Its gone dissappeared like the poo smell from the earlier visit to the upstairs small room not a trace left another comrade of the wheel is now speeding to the destination to pick up the precious cargo and transport them to the Crumlin Road .The fat man is thinking a ton and a half for todays suitability test and another ton twenty to re establish his commercial taxi insurance so he could pass the test .Then a thought crashed into his head .Ok he thought I go and do the suitability before the 90 days since I passed my NCT window for the test passes I affix bright new daisies to the window then what do I leave the test center remove my Roofie and remove the newly affixed daisies and return them to an address in an industrial center in Galway as Im not working as a taxi driver at the moment ,do I cancel my taxi insurance again .Fuck he thinks .His mother told him if he didnt go to school he would end up sweeping the streets he trained for that job since he was twelve years old but never got to join the order of the brush like his idol Trigger.This not working thing was complicated ,he found a new admiration for Big Dommo ,Billy the Bastard and Tommy two Scars they had managed it and all the associated paperwork to not be employed for over a hundred years between the three of them .
The fat lad thought while im in Tallaght I might drop in to see Tommy .Then he remembered the last time he called Tommys Mot Helen ashed did he want something to eat .She gave him a mug of Bovril and one slice of dry bread .Na I dont think ill bother bothering Tommy today he thought .
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So im still waiting on the fone to ping .Im not looking for work just doing a bit of market research to see if its financially viable to return to work and forgo the Welfare payment .Now that sounds reasonable and an intelligent thing to do .So how the fuck did I just spend two hundred and seventy notes for stickers and insurance I dont have any work for .What do I do what ! Im not on the drivers app cos im not working im claiming the fever money .If I ring the insurance and remove the taxi insurance thats costing me money then the taxithingey say you have to return the Daisies .How can somebody smart enough to do market research be dumb enough to get involved in this charade .I think ill go and read some poetry just to cheer me up ......The old Priest Peter Gilligan was weary night and day for half his flock were in their beds or under green sods Lay (W.B.Yeats )
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Don't send back the daises.I didn't and got no hassle.Wait a week and try different hours.You are at a disadvantage by not working for a good while on the app.I'd say town will be busy today.Lots of people have money but don't pay by cards.
Or there's loads on the government wage subsidy scheme who might be getting laid off when the payment is stopped and they're watching their few quid.
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Don't send back the daises.I didn't and got no hassle.Wait a week and try different hours.You are at a disadvantage by not working for a good while on the app.I'd say town will be busy today.Lots of people have money but don't pay by cards.
Or there's loads on the government wage subsidy scheme who might be getting laid off when the payment is stopped and they're watching their few quid.
You say it all the time Merc its an expensive business to be in .Im finding it expensive not to be in 270 worth of expensive .I have no intention of returning to work as long as I get 350 .Government say Social distancing is important so Ill social distance and wash me hands .Ill also conserve water .I hear there may be subsidies for those in the Tourist business I will be applying as I run a Dublin Taxi tours Facebook page have done for years catering to tourists .
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Dublin taxi tours ? In the imortal words of yosser hughes,gis a job
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Plenty of time now to try something different.There's a fella from Rathfarnham who does fixed priced taxi fares and I believe he's rolling in the work.
Get herself a fancy pants website and undercut him by 1%.This time next year you'll be making hundreds a week.
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Plenty of time now to try something different.There's a fella from Rathfarnham who does fixed priced taxi fares and I believe he's rolling in the work.
Get herself a fancy pants website and undercut him by 1%.This time next year you'll be making hundreds a week.
Yer man from Rathfarm runs his business the way he wants to run it .Supervalue doing Discount Marietta Buiscuits all this week if you but cans of smoked Mackrel or Harpic .
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That be a nice meal smoked mackral,marieeta,washes with harpic.it brings a whole new meaning to Donalds diet of dettol
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That be a nice meal smoked mackral,marieeta,washes with harpic.it brings a whole new meaning to Donalds diet of dettol
Thats the Menu for next St Patricks visit by Big Mick to Trump if they are both still politicians next year .
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You're a lyin bollox John....we all know you're in the boxroom....and there's fukall sun flooding in there.....clearly still asleep!!
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Plenty of time now to try something different.There's a fella from Rathfarnham who does fixed priced taxi fares and I believe he's rolling in the work.
Get herself a fancy pants website and undercut him by 1%.This time next year you'll be making hundreds a week.
Yer man from Rathfarm runs his business the way he wants to run it .Supervalue doing Discount Marietta Buiscuits all this week if you but cans of smoked Mackrel or Harpic .
I got 6 bananas yesterday for 79 c ...dont even eat them but yu cudnt pass a bargain like that ....yud be mad or sumptin
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That reminds me ....I've 25 bags of penne pasta an bout the same in basmati rice ...I'm doin them a euro a bag ....pm me for a bargain
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That reminds me ....I've 25 bags of penne pasta an bout the same in basmati rice ...I'm doin them a euro a bag ....pm me for a bargain
Free shipping? lol
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Ha ha you might need them for the second wave..
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That reminds me ....I've 25 bags of penne pasta an bout the same in basmati rice ...I'm doin them a euro a bag ....pm me for a bargain
Free shipping? lol
Fuk off oops
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So....we have a panic buyer and a miserable bollox....all rolled into one....and a megalomaniac called Spectrum.
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So....we have a panic buyer and a miserable bollox....all rolled into one....and a megalomaniac called Spectrum.
I'm normally shite wit money ...that's why I owe the bank 30 million dollars or something cant remember....but since this lockdown I've
Gone very thrifty ...I've bein experimenting wit lidls hand sanitizer (80% proof )and orange juice ......blow the head off ya for bout the same price as a packet of tayto ...
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Yis ain't going to believe this one.
Anyways I needed to take a P the other day and went into the local Shopping Centre and there I was standing at the Urinal and next to me was a midget having a piss.
I noticed he kept winking at me like fckn crazy.
Pretty annoyed at this I said to him "Are you fckn gay or do you fancy me or something ?"
He replied "No, your splashing me in the fckn eyes"
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Yer right....we don't believe ye!! lol
But it was funny!!
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And Doris Finnegan from the flats has just been arrested for shoplifting .Paddy Nugent had her in the pool he gets the money I had her pal Ursula .
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We want Dommo brought back,he has not been mentioned for some time now
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We want Dommo brought back,he has not been mentioned for some time now
He is self isolating on his own with Brenda Keegan and her lot .Ill drop in Wednesday when he gets his dole .
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John the Handsome debonair driver rolled over in bed scratched his hole then went back to sleep .The Sun cascaded in through the curtains in the back bedroom the Glow of sunlight shimmering through the dust particles as the huge bulk stirred in the bed and dragged the Duvet over its head .
Ah fuckit thought the Handsome whore Ill knock on the telly shout at the kids to make breakfast and turn on the taxi app and watch all the jobs ping on the screen ,after all the lockdown is over things are normally normal again .The silence of the room was broken by the waffeling of Brian Dobson on the news and the clanging of a spoon in a teacup being transported up the stairs .John listened intently to the phone for a taxi job ping .Nothing absolutely nothing not a prebook not a ping .He drank his tea rearranged his sack then went back to sleep .
rofl rofl
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Yis ain't going to believe this one.
Anyways I needed to take a P the other day and went into the local Shopping Centre and there I was standing at the Urinal and next to me was a midget having a piss.
I noticed he kept winking at me like fckn crazy.
Pretty annoyed at this I said to him "Are you fckn gay or do you fancy me or something ?"
He replied "No, your splashing me in the fckn eyes"
rofl rofl
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It sounds like the days of John wakin up with a piss horn are gone......RIP....sorry for the loss of the langer John.....i'd say your missus is delighted!!