Irish Taxi Forum
Public Area => Taxi Talk => Topic started by: Belker on January 05, 2018, 11:15:03 am
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It's seldom that a drunk customer can tell a good joke,
but I had this young lad quip this classic in the cab last Christmas;
What do you say to a Drug dealer who has been Shot Three times in the Heart ?
ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTYY !!
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what about the junkie?...
...NO SCORE...
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what about the junkie?...
...NO SCORE...
Two Sets down and Two Legs down in a Five Set Match !
"Dead in the Water" !
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"Bang bang you're dead?"?????
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Your about as funny as arse cancer
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Your about as funny as arse cancer
Good to see you still in the Festive spirit El Tonio,
I'll take it that you didn't get the 'Trummer' or 'Ur Hole' last night !
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Didn't work last night Ken, I spent some quality time with the family ie... A bit of shopping and out for a meal yesterday evening.
Yow won't / can't make family memories sitting behind a wheel listening to piss heads..
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Didn't work last night Ken, I spent some quality time with the family ie... A bit of shopping and out for a meal yesterday evening.
Yow won't / can't make family memories sitting behind a wheel listening to piss heads..
+1
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A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Ryan"
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Ryan Jay Robinson. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Ryan Jay Robinson, every single time. Not like me, I can’t seem to make anything happen "
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Ryan Jay Robinson. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.
" Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Ryan Jay Robinson, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Ryan, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Ryan Jay Robinson."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Ryan. He died. I married his widow.
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A kid walked up to a cowboy looking at his 10-gallon hat, leather vest, leather chaps, and sneakers. The kid asked him, “Mr. Cowboy, why do you wear that big hat?”
The cowboy replied, “Well, son, the big hat protects me from hot sun and driving rain, and at night I put it over my face when I sleep on the range, so it protects me then, too.”
“Why do you wear that leather vest?” “It also helps to keep the weather off me, and it has pockets where I can keep my valuables.”
“Well, why do you wear leather chaps?” “They protect my legs when I’m driving my horse through mesquite and cactus.”
“Well, Mr. Cowboy,” the kid finally asked, “Why do you wear sneakers?” “That’s so nobody will think I’m a taxi driver.”
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Didn't work last night Ken, I spent some quality time with the family ie... A bit of shopping and out for a meal yesterday evening.
Yow won't / can't make family memories sitting behind a wheel listening to piss heads..
A dose of reality on a taxi forum? Makes a pleasant change from the usual buffoonery spouted here....
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Didn't work last night Ken, I spent some quality time with the family ie... A bit of shopping and out for a meal yesterday evening.
Yow won't / can't make family memories sitting behind a wheel listening to piss heads..
A dose of reality on a taxi forum? Makes a pleasant change from the usual buffoonery spouted here....
Yeah sorry about that I don't know what came over me.
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As a man who has sailed through several stormy relationships, without ever marrying, I can identify with a family man now....not so a few yrs ago as I thought I'd never get injured or have to have an operation....that changed last yr. When you've nobody to hand you a cup of tea or wash your leopard-skin boxers....you're fucked! Having a woman around is slightly better but only if she actually cares for you...Filipinas don't give a bollix about Irish men, but better than a copy of Hustler and a few photos of Charlie Dimmock... 8)
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Sounds like meself,Tony and the Lip made fukall bobos from Mytaxi....but enjoyed the company of our partners/wives and respective family.
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Steady on Hal, you only had to work one day a week for a bonus. Even I can do that!
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Steady on Hal, you only had to work one day a week for a bonus. Even I can do that!
I did work but couldn't be fukin arsed chasin work when it was on tap...Trummers,bobos.....fuk right off would yis!!
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It adds a bit of sport to the night.
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It adds a bit of sport to the night.
Eh...no it doesn't....jaysus RC!!
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It adds a bit of sport to the night.
It does actually, but ya need the OCD to kick-in aswell when it down to 75 fer 20.
I actually enjoyed working App only last NYE, with a fare on-board passing through the center of Cork city at 3am in the morning and seeing many hundreds of drunken zombies falling about the place trying to hail a cab, I was glad to be working App only.
I got 30 jobs covered that night and 3 Scrubs to get me an extra 140Euro.
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At least you'll be popular with Revenue come Oct/Nov.
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I didn't need to do a whole lot in December outside of Boxing day and Christmas Eve...
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Boxing day??? You a member of the local lodge?
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Sorry, meant Boxing day and New Year's Eve... although I did a few hours on Christmas Eve.
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Another one from the "mainland"!!
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Fucking Sasannach
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Sorry, meant Boxing day and New Year's Eve... although I did a few hours on Christmas Eve.
Too modest to refer to yourself....St?
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Sorry, meant Boxing day and New Year's Eve... although I did a few hours on Christmas Eve.
"Boxing day" is mostly a popular word used with by the Sassenach republic,
over here it is usually 'Frowned' upon preferring the use of the "Saint Stephens day'
theme fer the day.
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Indeed, LL.
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A few How-To-Spot-A-Redneck jokes for the Erm to read to Rats on the way down:
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You own a homemade fur coat.
The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbours.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
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Good luck to yez...signing off for a few days...executive distress me Filipina mott calls it.
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Good luck to yez...signing off for a few days...executive distress me Filipina mott calls it.
Ye goin shopping?
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Actually was...Newry...Samsung 40" etc...Cancelled the trip to Belfast afterwards to the Titanic due to "increment weather" as she says.
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Actually was...Newry...Samsung 40" etc...Cancelled the trip to Belfast afterwards to the Titanic due to "increment weather" as she says.
Wasn't a great day alright...for sightseeing....better for the telly though!!
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Couples counselling service available at the Titanic Quarter now...irony?
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Couples counselling service available at the Titanic Quarter now...irony?
Would it be best to do the counselling before or after the tour....unless the burd got a birra this!!
(https://s17.postimg.cc/8over8ni3/images.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/image/8over8ni3/)
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Ronaldo Di Calio she told me to tell you. rofl
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Ronaldo Di Calio she told me to tell you. rofl
Well known in the Philippines i believe!!
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Game of Thrones was on the hit list...that tree lined avenue they keep for the Japs and Chinks.
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Game of Thrones was on the hit list...that tree lined avenue they keep for the Japs and Chinks.
Thought they closed that?
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Open...Dark Hedges you're thinking of are emanating from her thong mate.
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Sorry Hal...thong obsession. Terrible being hooked on them....saw Jedward recently at T2 in the Port.
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Sorry Hal...thong obsession. Terrible being hooked on them....saw Jedward recently at T2 in the Port.
Ah...never meet your idols Lip!!
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You're right mate....always let you down............
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Hector here!!!
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Hector Grey...correct...not the wiry motormouth from Meath.
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He looks a bit like Reg Holdsworth or whatever his name was.... ??? ???
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Les Dawson's sidekick.....I'm approaching the menopause....from which direction?