Not exactly the Queen's message but.......

[The Liffey Lip]

Relax: Shops are open after Stephens' Day. Never seen so many possessed lunatics trying to outdo each other for parking spaces. What was it like before 24 hour opening?

Think: A lot of folks hate this time of the year as it brings home bad or upsetting memories. A fair percentile of people over 40 are separated or divorced or may have buried a loved one at this time of yr, so let it go if they hold you up in a queue or aren't moving fast enough on the escalator.

Age: If Maggie or Tommo start reminiscing in the cab...smile and tell them they only thing rare about the "rare aul times" was a plate of dinner. They will agree with you.

Those working: Good luck and be even more vigilant. Insurance companies always fret this time of yr. Peoples' guards are down so keep yours up.

Coca Cola: Were the bastards who invented the red, rotund version of Saint Nicholas for commercial purposes. Always shuts the under 40 mouthpieces up when they are told it.

Medicated folk: Some are temporarily released to ease staffing pressures in hospitals and psychiatric units. Just wear a Hannibal mask at all times...works...trust me.

Christmas Songs: White Christmas by aul Bing on a loop gets them out quicker...especially when wearing the mask.

Christmas Rows: Guaranteed to happen if you react to provocation. A lot of people are only home for a week or two and resent having to depart again. Tell them they're better off and you're jealous......."If I could only live me life over..........."

In-laws: Laugh at their jokes and remember you'll be burying them some day.

Laugh: We're here for a short time and Christmas Day could not have been Jesus' birthday with the alignment of the stars and references in the bible. It's a day created to relieve the drudgery of Winter just after the shortest day of the yr(Winter Solstice).

Turkey: If you think we have it bad...spare a thought for the Poles...they have to eat Carp by tradition and the poor auld Pagans will be freezing their nads off down at Newgrange eating Butternut Squash and Cottage Cheese smoothies.

[Rat Catcher]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-tizHF5kdk

[Shallowhal]

Why did he cancel his gigs anyway....anyone?

[Rat Catcher]

Whatever the reason, he's managed to keep it under wraps - probably because he's so highly regarded as an honest, down to earth, clean cut artist. He ranks as my (and millions of others) favourite comedian of all time despite huge gaps between appearances and loads of recycled material! I'd love to see him tour again but reports suggest that's unlikely.

[Shallowhal]

He's a funny guy alright....always reminds me of the class/school joker.

[Rat Catcher]

Which I was myself... We had a Michael Noonan soundalike teacher who loved the "you can all laugh along with O'Connell but O'Connell will be the only one laughing in June (twelve months)" line.

[Dr. Martin Gooter Bling]

I'm a huge fan of billy connolly, richard pryor, eddie murphy, dave allen, louis ck, tim vine and the great george carlin.

[Shallowhal]

I'm a huge fan of billy connolly, richard pryor, eddie murphy, dave allen, louis ck, tim vine and the great george carlin.

There was a show at the Viking Theatre((The Sheds,Connollys on the Clontarf Rd) called Dave at Large on earlier in the year,picked some people up after it,said it was brilliant,Bryan Murray(that was buried under a patio in Brookside many moons ago,owns the Hungry Pig in Fair City now) was one of the actors playing him,pax were telling me there was some (deliberately) awkward moments in it.

[Rat Catcher]

Dave Allen and Billy Connolly were brilliant in their day!

[Bob Shillin]

Phoenix Nights, unbeatable.

[Shallowhal]

Phoenix Nights, unbeatable.

Funny as fuk!!

[The Liffey Lip]

Why did he cancel his gigs anyway....anyone?

All comics are depressives.............As Paul Merton said when asked why he was signed in for a while...."Career move mate". Kay is good but not really a stand-up. Mickey Flanagan and Stewart Francis the Canadian more like it for me. Kay is a story-teller...

[Shallowhal]

Why did he cancel his gigs anyway....anyone?

All comics are depressives.............As Paul Merton said when asked why he was signed in for a while...."Career move mate". Kay is good but not really a stand-up. Mickey Flanagan and Stewart Francis the Canadian more like it for me. Kay is a story-teller...

I like Mickey Flanagan...especially when explaining..goin out,goin out out and goin out out out!!

[Rat Catcher]

The ketchup story is good.