My First Taxi Meltdown.
Excerpt from Taxi Diaries 2;
Trouble Again !
I got a base job one night to collect a fare from Ballinure in Mahon
at about 3.30am, I got directions on my phone from a drunk elderly
lady into her estate and she tells me, "Its not for me but for my son".
Eventually the son comes out, a dirty looking fella about my own
height and weight, but a few years younger than me.
In he sits and stares at me with two huge googly eyes, it looked like
a good mix of cannabis, pills & alcohol, "Douglas" he says. No problems,
I drive on, my customer slurs a few incoherent sentences,
I just 'Nod and Smile', he directs me into the Topaz in Douglas village,
he exits warning me 'Not to leave and I won't be in any bother'
he buys cigarettes with his Laser card but is refused cash back,
so I tell him; "We can put the card tru with the base or there is an ATM
around the corner".
He points at the corner and we drive over to the ATM, he gets out and
obviously can't work the machine due to his drunken/stoned condition.
I'm thinking 'Cut n Run' but its a base job and I flippin can't 'Cut n Run'.
He hails me out to help him, I go up to aid him but he refuses to tell
me his pin number, I leave him and sit back in the car and start it up,
he hails me back out a second time with the exact same result.
15 minutes later with him drunkenly pressing all the ATM buttons,
I'd had enough of him and started to drive off leaving him at the ATM,
but he followed straight away and sat back in the car. I told him that
we would put the card through with the base, he half-agreed, nodding
the 'Noddy-smile'. Then we started a 20 minute tour of Douglas, all over
Greenhill's, Rosebank, Front & back Douglas roads, all with me demanding
to get his address and him refusing to tell me, him getting more abusive
and aggressive and pointing where to be taken, eventually he slurred
"Douglas Baths", so I headed for the swimming pool, with absolutely no
intention of letting him near the swimming pool lane to do a Runner.
I got onto the main Douglas road and high-tailed it for town.
Langer Dan was now pulling at the base radio mic and I was trying to
drive and keep him away from it, when we got up to the crossroads by
Zicos pizza, I told him; "Tell me ur address now or its a Garda matter".
I knew this would blow his mind, but I was sick-shite of him, he immediately
became much more aggressive telling me to do an immediate 360 or he
was going to 'Whack me'. I said; "Fine, we head back to Douglas this way",
and I booted off for town, we got as far as Copley street and he leant
across me and dragged the keys out of the ignition, somehow I managed
to stop the car without crashing it, considering my power braking and power
steering were gone, as soon as I stopped I grabbed him by the arm,
because he was attempting to flee out of his door with the car keys.
I called into the base looking for emergency assistance, the base operator
called the Gardai for me immediately, but he still had my car keys.
I managed to talk him into giving me back the key's under the promise
that I would recontinue my tour of Douglas, he had bent the ignition key
pulling it out, but I managed to straighten it and get the car going again.
I drove straight across Angelsea street the wrong way and hailed a
passing squad car, parking headlong into Anglesea Street Garda station
and blocking a line of traffic, I gave the Gardai a brief description of what
had just happened and the Guard asked me to park the car up properly.
I sat back in to the cab and Langer Dan threw a sneaky 'Sucker' punch at
me, which caught me in the lower jaw, I jumped out of the car straight
away, but the Guards had parked away down near the crossroads and
they were both still in their squad car.
So whilst I'm stood outside my cab with no one at all coming to my aid,
I up with my cowboy boot and left yer-man have it, in tru the door twice,
one in the side and one in the chest, I pulled back for a third good kick
aiming the point of my boot at his ribs, but alas the heel of my boot caught
on the drivers seat and took away most of the brunt of the kick, maybe just
aswell because if I kicked him full bore with the toe of my boot it might well
have driven his Spleen out through his Nose !
(But he will still have some nice bruises to show the next morning).
When the guards came along, I was nursing my injured jaw, I told the guards,
he had hit me in the jaw with his fist and Langer Dan was trying to explain
that I had assaulted him, by showing the guards a black eye that was
obviously a week or more old, the gardai laughed that off, actually the guards
were very jovial over the whole thing, because yer man was just so stupid and
stoned outta his head, a guard searched his pockets and came up with 8Euro
which he gave to me, he took all our details and said to me that he would try
and get me the the other 25Euro for the fare during the week.
A Paddy wagon was called & Langer Dan was cuffed and taken away.
As my old Boss the 'Dark Lord' once said to me,
"Ken, take everything that's going Except a Dig !"
So I was only following Base orders !!
