Having spent time in both the driver and passengers seat I have been thinking about the different types of drivers in the driving seat. Considering we spend about 15minutes with strangers several times a day, have no water cooler to gossip around and have to listen to Joe, its a miracle there are any sane drivers.
Given that Im Dublin based my experiences are from there and may not apply to other locations. Feel free to add, disagree or suggest your own.
The Pundit. Wearing team or county colours and simply itching to discuss last nights game and the premiership/championship/league or whatever involves a ball. Conversation is limited to sport simply because that is all they understand. The car will have the pervasive aroma of locker room because sports wear is now designed to wick sweat away from the skin and allow it dry on the shirt.
The Rank Pat. Rather than cruise the streets looking for work they line up like sheep waiting to be dosed. They huddle in groups to chat, smoke and cheer themselves up. They chat about how bad business is or lie about the €350 run to Belfast their mate does every Friday. Either way they end up as unhappy as when they started their shift. The level of despair and quality of conversation depends on the rank in question. One of the worst must be the Kesh in Dublin airport. “but Jaysus Joe ive been queuing here since last Tuesday three weeks and only had a €10 run to swords.”
The Prowler Prince. Comes out early evening and crawls the streets looking for work. Happy to cut in front of anyone or any line to snatch a bit of work. Claims not to speak English or understand the culture of a queuing. Easily identified in traffic by poor driving quality. Given the closure of nightlife can now be found around transport terminals from early morning. To experience prowlers up close simply walk around the airport arrivals zone or Heuston platform 5 pulling a suitcase. They magically appear shouting “taxi, taxi, taxi” out of taxi windows.
The Bhangra Boy. Extremely polite referring to everyone as sir but has difficulty understanding the destination due to pronunciation. Admittedly we too would struggle with street names in downtown Dhaka. Well dressed with smart trousers and shirt but often let down by dodgy sandals. Not to be confused with the fully bearded robe wearing believers who are a different cup of chai completely. Can be identified from a distance by vehicle type, a stumpy WAV affectionately know as a “naan van” and driving technique.
On a related note both the prowler and bhangra boy do offer a bored passerby some entertainment. Its the “Guess whos driving game”. Turns out a lot of driver play this game.Pick a taxi in front of you, watch the driving style, guess the driver type and enter the roof number into the driver app. See if you are correct. Prowlers have no lane discipline, no indicators and give zero fcks about rules of the road. Bhangra boys are not natural drivers and appear hesitant, indicate 2km before turning and drive slowly.
The Old Boy. Been driving for years, has a pension and drives to get out of the house and for conversation. Again lovely to chat with but not great if you are in a hurry as they tend to ease around town in no rush. Never has any change and does not understand tech so no card payment.
The Sketchy Snake. Your backside isnt long in the seat before he is offering duty free smokes, fireworks or whatever is in season. He knows someone in the estate who can get you anything for the right price. The original Irish version is now been replaced by the Eastern European version who do actually sound like they can supply anything from a moody satelite decoder to a shoulder mounted missile.
