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Author Topic: Taxi Jokes.  (Read 16134 times)

Offline Belker

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Taxi Jokes.
« on: January 05, 2018, 11:15:03 am »
It's seldom that a drunk customer can tell a good joke,
but I had this young lad quip this classic in the cab last Christmas;

What do you say to a Drug dealer who has been Shot Three times in the Heart ?

ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTYY !!
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Offline Dr. Martin Gooter Bling

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Re: Taxi Jokes.
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2018, 12:37:02 pm »
what about the junkie?...



...NO SCORE...
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Offline Belker

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Re: Taxi Jokes.
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2018, 12:56:03 pm »
Quote from: Dr. Martin Gooter Bling on January 05, 2018, 12:37:02 pm
what about the junkie?...


...NO SCORE...


Two Sets down and Two Legs down in a Five Set Match !
"Dead in the Water" !
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Offline Vikkiz

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Re: Taxi Jokes.
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2018, 05:07:32 pm »
"Bang bang you're dead?"?????
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Offline Tony

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Re: Taxi Jokes.
« Reply #4 on: January 05, 2018, 10:07:27 pm »
Your about as funny as arse cancer
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Mr. T-bag to you

Offline Belker

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Re: Taxi Jokes.
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2018, 06:56:16 am »
Quote from: Tony on January 05, 2018, 10:07:27 pm
Your about as funny as arse cancer

Good to see you still in the Festive spirit El Tonio,
I'll take it that you didn't get the 'Trummer' or 'Ur Hole' last night !
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Offline Tony

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Re: Taxi Jokes.
« Reply #6 on: January 07, 2018, 10:50:20 am »
Didn't work last night Ken, I spent some quality time with the family ie... A bit of shopping and out for a meal yesterday evening.

Yow won't / can't make family memories sitting behind a wheel listening to piss heads..
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Offline Shallowhal

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Re: Taxi Jokes.
« Reply #7 on: January 07, 2018, 06:07:32 pm »
Quote from: Tony on January 07, 2018, 10:50:20 am
Didn't work last night Ken, I spent some quality time with the family ie... A bit of shopping and out for a meal yesterday evening.

Yow won't / can't make family memories sitting behind a wheel listening to piss heads..

+1
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Offline Korky

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Re: Taxi Jokes.
« Reply #8 on: January 08, 2018, 07:48:21 am »
A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Ryan"
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Ryan Jay Robinson. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Ryan Jay Robinson, every single time. Not like me, I can’t seem to make anything happen "
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
 Cabbie: "Not Ryan Jay Robinson. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.
 " Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Ryan Jay Robinson, he could do everything right."
 Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Ryan, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Ryan Jay Robinson."
 Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
 Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Ryan. He died. I married his widow.

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Offline Korky

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Re: Taxi Jokes.
« Reply #9 on: January 08, 2018, 07:57:31 am »
A kid walked up to a cowboy looking at his 10-gallon hat, leather vest, leather chaps, and sneakers. The kid asked him, “Mr. Cowboy, why do you wear that big hat?”

The cowboy replied, “Well, son, the big hat protects me from hot sun and driving rain, and at night I put it over my face when I sleep on the range, so it protects me then, too.”

“Why do you wear that leather vest?” “It also helps to keep the weather off me, and it has pockets where I can keep my valuables.”

“Well, why do you wear leather chaps?” “They protect my legs when I’m driving my horse through mesquite and cactus.”

“Well, Mr. Cowboy,” the kid finally asked, “Why do you wear sneakers?” “That’s so nobody will think I’m a taxi driver.”
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The Liffey Lip

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Re: Taxi Jokes.
« Reply #10 on: January 08, 2018, 12:16:38 pm »
Quote from: Tony on January 07, 2018, 10:50:20 am
Didn't work last night Ken, I spent some quality time with the family ie... A bit of shopping and out for a meal yesterday evening.

Yow won't / can't make family memories sitting behind a wheel listening to piss heads..

A dose of reality on a taxi forum? Makes a pleasant change from the usual buffoonery spouted here....
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Offline Tony

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Re: Taxi Jokes.
« Reply #11 on: January 08, 2018, 01:17:50 pm »
Quote from: The Liffey Lip on January 08, 2018, 12:16:38 pm
Quote from: Tony on January 07, 2018, 10:50:20 am
Didn't work last night Ken, I spent some quality time with the family ie... A bit of shopping and out for a meal yesterday evening.

Yow won't / can't make family memories sitting behind a wheel listening to piss heads..

A dose of reality on a taxi forum? Makes a pleasant change from the usual buffoonery spouted here....


Yeah sorry about that I don't know what came over me.
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The Liffey Lip

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Re: Taxi Jokes.
« Reply #12 on: January 08, 2018, 01:44:58 pm »
As a man who has sailed through several stormy relationships, without ever marrying, I can identify with a family man now....not so a few yrs ago as I thought I'd never get injured or have to have an operation....that changed last yr. When you've nobody to hand you a cup of tea or wash your leopard-skin boxers....you're fucked! Having a woman around is slightly better but only if she actually cares for you...Filipinas don't give a bollix about Irish men, but better than a copy of Hustler and a few photos of Charlie Dimmock... 8)
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Offline Shallowhal

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Re: Taxi Jokes.
« Reply #13 on: January 08, 2018, 03:55:19 pm »
Sounds like meself,Tony and the Lip made fukall bobos from Mytaxi....but enjoyed the company of our partners/wives and respective family.
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Offline Rat Catcher

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Re: Taxi Jokes.
« Reply #14 on: January 08, 2018, 04:27:58 pm »
Steady on Hal, you only had to work one day a week for a bonus. Even I can do that!
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If it doesn't have a roof sign and door stickers it's not a taxi.
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