Irish Taxi Forum
Public Area => Taxi Talk => Topic started by: taxi1990 on February 26, 2018, 12:29:54 pm
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we have all been there, you have some drunk ejit in your taxi, who only has 5 euro for a 60 euro fare, refuses to get out, as you can be waiting for ages for the guards to come to help you. Anyone any clever ways to get them out of the taxi?
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You could adapt a suggestion from another thread - Get out or I'll fucking kill you. Might work better if we were armed, as suggested within yet another thread. I do find that merely shouting get out of my fucking car works but failing that the one I've successfully used once or twice is to explain that I can't work with him/her in the car so I'm going home or to my local for a game of darts, telling them that you'll drop in to your local Garda Station on the way to have them removed from your car - depending on where they're going you live in Dundalk, Portlaoise or Gorey.
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Start driving towards a Garda Stn.....the furthest away from where they live!
I've turned into the biggest cunt over the last while,won't stop for any fuk that looks anyway wobbly.
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I had this Idiot in the cab one night, I picked him up by Finn's corner in
the middle of Cork city, he was carrying a closed Indian takeaway box,
as it was 4.30am in the morning and nothing at all doing on the street's
I took a chance on him with the food in his hand.
He sits in and seems decently sober asking to go to Midleton and
enquiring how much it would be ? I told him that it would be about
Thirty Five to Forty Euro IF it was just to Midleton. "Fine" he sez.
We head on and get chatting, then he opens his takeaway box and
starts eating a few chips with a plastic fork, I allow him as he seems
sober enough and I give him a few tissues, so as not to make a mess,
which in fairness he didn't and we chat away all the way to Midleton
about fast food takeaways and the best chippers in Cork.
When we get to his B&B address in Midleton the fare is at 34.45 and
I ask for just 34Euro, he sez to me; "Do you have a card ?", so I hand
him a taxi business card and he then sez; "Will you put your name
and number on the card for me and I will call tomorrow to pay you".
No way am I going along with that line and a Ten minute argument
takes place within the cab, seemingly he had No money, No wallet,
No bank card or No I.D. on him and he refuses my suggestion of
handing over his mobile phone as Security for him to pay the fare.
He must have told me every Lie under the Sun, Firstly about his wife
being Dead and than a few minutes later about how he needed his phone
to contact his wife who was on holidays in Spain !.
The meter was now up to 38Euro and I stopped it at that as I'd heard
enough of his Bullshit and rang 11850 on my phone,
"Midleton Garda station in Cork please", I requested from the operator,
he connected me straight through and I told the Midleton Gardai of
my predicament, the guard told me to drive to the Main street outside
the AIB bank by the Big roundabout and he would have a patrol car
meet me there shortly.
Yer man starts up, "You know that if you go to the Guards that I'm
going to pay you Nothing !", I replied smugly "We will see".
As we drive along he shouts "Stop, Stop I'll pay you" and he reaches in to
his pocket and pulls out a few notes of which I can see at least a Twenty,
a Ten and a Fiver, but he doesn't hand them over and I keep driving on for
my Garda Rendezvous point on the Main street, he re-pockets his notes and
starts on about how I'm over charging him and how the fare should be only
Twenty Five Euro. He attempts to start eating his Indian takeaway again,
but this time I'm not allowing it and another Row breaks out over me
disallowing him to eat within the Taxi, while I state Chapter and Verse of
the Taxi regulations regarding Food in the cab.
I'm well pleased after seeing yer man-o's cash and park my cab outside
the AIB bank, yer man goes on for an eternity about how I'm trying to
rob him as we wait for the patrol car, eventually I stand out for a ciggie
and yer man stands out aswell, I reach back in, grab his Indian takeaway
and hand it to him, I also take a Two Euro coin from my coin bag and
put it in my pocket before locking the car. No way was this idiot ever
going to see the inside of my cab again. Again I ring the Gardai in
Midleton asking should I just drive down the road to the Garda station ?
but I was told to wait where I was as the patrol car was on the way to me.
Idiot was also on his phone after dialling 999 to report me for something
or other, but the 999 operator had hung up on him after finding out that
it was not an Emergency call. A long Twenty minutes later with me having
to listen to Idiot spouting all kinds of rubbish the Garda patrol car arrives.
Two middle-aged male Burly Guards get out of their car, neither of them
looked like they were going to stand for too much nonsense, The guard
driving the patrol car approached me first asking "What's de Story ?",
I explain myself to him also telling him that 'He' has money but he won't
part with it and the Two Gardai go over to question the Idiot.
Idiot goes off on a massive Rant about me over charging telling the Guards
that I told him the fare would be only Thirty Euro when I picked him up
and how I had referred to him as a "Knacker" within the cab and various
other figments of his drunken imagination, even offering himself to be
arrested a few times. After Ten minutes of listening to him and trying to
coerce him in to paying for his cab, the First guard took his handcuffs from
his belt holder, he ran the Cuffs noisely through the ratchet twice while
saying, "Look, are ya gonna Pay or Not ?",
Idiot on hearing the sound of the Cuffs reached in to his pocket and
produced Forty Euro and offered it to me, I accepted it ungraciously
and gave him his Two Euro change. I sit back in to my cab thanking
the Gardai as they leave for their time and patience.
Idiot starts off again as the rain comes down, "How am I gonna get home ?",
the Guard now walking away from the scene back to his own patrol car
shouts back at him, "Not in that mans Taxi anyway, Walk !".
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Start driving towards a Garda Stn.....the furthest away from where they live!
I've turned into the biggest cunt over the last while,won't stop for any fuk that looks anyway wobbly.
I'll go along with that, No Wobblers, No Hoodies.
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Ask nicely and say please .
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Ask nicely and say please .
ya like that will work.
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Ask nicely and say please .
Like ye did in Loughlinstown?
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Ask nicely and say please .
Like ye did in Loughlinstown?
Ah he was lovely .I rang the Gards today just to remind them to give him a knock .
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Ask nicely and say please .
Like ye did in Loughlinstown?
Ah he was lovely .I rang the Gards today just to remind them to give him a knock .
Ye need to light a fire under them...not ring them!!
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my last bad one was 2 fellas from portmarnock to skerries during the summer there. Was already bright. bout four in the morning.
the fella in the front was gameball but your man in the back was bollixed drunk.
reached skerries and your man paid what he owed, told me where the other fella was roughly going and swiftly exited.
The fella in the back suddenly become horizontal and started snoring.
Asked him to point his gaff out for me but he had rapidly declined into a deep stupor.
WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP YE CUNT. LOOK AT ALL THEM NAKED YOUNG ONES. YOU'RE MISSING IT YE DIRTCUNT. got nothing.
Pulled the car over at the side of the road and prodded him vigorously with the end of an umbrella and hit him over the head with a roll of kitchen towel a few times. fuck all joy. he had deliberately fallen asleep to spite me I thought.
Wanted to drag him out of the car and leave him on the side of the road but I had visions of him choking on vomit.
I seriously contemplated because the police might'nt be able to determine who's vomit it was.
Skerries police station fuckin closed. Decided I'd deposit him in swords garda station since I was going back that way.
I threatened him periodically telling him I was gonna bring him down to rush beach and waterboard him etc.
As luck would have it, as I was exiting skerries towards lusk there was a garda car parked on the left hand side of the road.
Pulled in behind him and flashed my lights.
Got out and told them that I had a body in the back who was still breathing but I was'nt sure for how much longer. Told them to be careful because I thought your man might be half knacker.
A male garda and a lovely, lovely, ravishing bean garda.
The garda fella took the next 10 minutes shouting and howling at the unconscious cabbage in the back trying to rouse him. It's no use I says. Our primitive technology is no match for fourteen pints of Arthur Skargill. I've already exhausted my pitiful weapons on the human.
Chatting to the bean garda she was telling me they were hot on the trail of stolen car that's zipping around the kip and all this was all a huge inconvenience for them. Told her to get off the stage and get over herself.
The drunk fella finally came to and I floored it back to his address. Extracted whatever dosh he had on him and told him he'd be looking over his shoulder for the rest of his life. A good 30/45 minutes used up.
As I was going towards lusk again I saw a car buried in to a ditch. Wonder did the coppers know about it I thought.
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Is that you Ken?
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You should have told the first lad that your man was too drunk to travel alone i.e. either he accompanies him or you leave him on his doorstep.
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You should have told the first lad that your man was too drunk to travel alone i.e. either he accompanies him or you leave him on his doorstep.
correct. you never know when a cunt can slip into a full blown coma. when you've had a good night and you're nearing the end you can let the guard down by accident.
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Is that you Ken?
rofl
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Is that you Ken?
LOL ! No.
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WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP YE CUNT.
Use, jaysus, this fella has a nice arse.
He`ll wake up sharpish, so I`m told anyway.
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Unless it's blokes that have no food, well dressed, and can stand up straight, I won't pick them up. I usually pick up women first as if it's gets loud or physical I'm going to win that argument. Women háit want to get home and don't complain about the price, if they do complain about the price I just raise my voice. Seems to work.
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WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP YE CUNT.
Use, jaysus, this fella has a nice arse.
He`ll wake up sharpish, so I`m told anyway.
I haven't had any blokes fall asleep in the taxi since I bought the Prius..
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I'd prefer a drunk bloke to a drunk bird. These days, I'd be afraid to try and wake a sleeping bird other than by hitting ramps and the brakes hard.
Believe it or not, the cops have the same problem. My younger young lad arrived home in a squad car after a party a few months back when he was still underage. He's not much of a drinker but he was tending to one of his mates who'd had a bit too much in the Church car park when the Gardai arrived. They took a look at the full lad, recognised him and radioed for another Garda to knock into his parents house and get them to collect him as they wouldn't take him in the squad car in the state he was in and they knew no taxi would take him. With the drunk lad collected, my lad and a young girl were left in the car park so the Gardai offered them a lift home. Along the way they chatted about the evils of gargle and the importance of knowing when you've had enough. The girl lived further out of town but they dropped her first and then explained that they did that to avoid two men being in a car with an underage unaccompanied female.
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I'd prefer a drunk bloke to a drunk bird. These days, I'd be afraid to try and wake a sleeping bird other than by hitting ramps and the brakes hard.
Believe it or not, the cops have the same problem. My younger young lad arrived home in a squad car after a party a few months back when he was still underage. He's not much of a drinker but he was tending to one of his mates who'd had a bit too much in the Church car park when the Gardai arrived. They took a look at the full lad, recognised him and radioed for another Garda to knock into his parents house and get them to collect him as they wouldn't take him in the squad car in the state he was in and they knew no taxi would take him. With the drunk lad collected, my lad and a young girl were left in the car park so the Gardai offered them a lift home. Along the way they chatted about the evils of gargle and the importance of knowing when you've had enough. The girl lived further out of town but they dropped her first and then explained that they did that to avoid two men being in a car with an underage unaccompanied female.
You must be so proud .Young Catcher gets to go home with the woman ,Well taught chip off the oul block .
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TBH, at his age I woulda been the lad on the deck.
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Its all done with mirrors...?
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Ken why did you stop the meter before you got paid?
I operate a strict policy of turning the meter off when the cash is in me paw, if they wanna sit there and jibber shite they do so at their own expense
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Ken why did you stop the meter before you got paid?
I operate a strict policy of turning the meter off when the cash is in me paw, if they wanna sit there and jibber shite they do so at their own expense
+1
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I had a runner job a few years back with Two druggies going in to town to score and then back home again, they legged it from the cab in to a big house which prob had about 8 flats in it, I call the gardai, when they arrived the meter was up to 28Euro but the guard asked how much it was when I dropped them off, I told him it was 19 and he said to me "So it's 19 that your looking for".
I didn't agree with the guard but I wasn't in much position to be haggling and ever since I turn off the meter shortly after an incident.
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Jeez, how often do you have incidents? The Gardai must have a right pain in their testicles running around after soft lads who can't sort their own problems!
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I do tend to get a lot of them but then again I'm almost a total night time driver,
the vast majority are sorted without the need fer garda assistance.
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Another instance of stopping the meter was the Christmas before last where a young lad directed me to his home, he had barfed in the back along the way but I said nothing till I had his address, the fare was 12Euro and I demanded that plus the 140 soiling charge, he legged it in to a small wooded area at the end of his park, I sat in the cab and called the gardai, I let the meter run to 15 then stopped it, as it's a basic fare of 12 to 13Euro from town to Maryboro hill and I didn't want to be showing the gardai a 20Euro fare when they arrived.
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I had a runner job a few years back with Two druggies going in to town to score and then back home again, they legged it from the cab in to a big house which prob had about 8 flats in it, I call the gardai, when they arrived the meter was up to 28Euro but the guard asked how much it was when I dropped them off, I told him it was 19 and he said to me "So it's 19 that your looking for".
I didn't agree with the guard but I wasn't in much position to be haggling and ever since I turn off the meter shortly after an incident.
The guard must not have heard of the phrase "time is money"
I had two drunk ejits one night back to where they were staying, only a 7 euro fare, neither of them had a cent on them, so back into town to the atm, two ejits were pissing about talking $hit but stalling on actually going to the atm to get the money, I left the meter running, after about 15 mins, I flagged a garda car, eventually one of the ejits pays, 15 euro that was on the meter, they wanted a lift back in my taxi but the guards said they were to find their own way home.
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Ya don't want to be pissing off guards who come to your aid with trumped up fares especially if'n your also seeking the soilage charge.
A colleague of mine once told me that he had a prostitute in the cab one morning and she said to him; "Our jobs are similar, we try to extract as much cash from our client as is possible using the limited skills we have" !
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Never was a truer word spoken... well maybe never is a bit of an exaggeration, never say never... unless context dictates that you need to say it... come to think of it, can something be "truer" in the context suggested, if it's true it's true, it can't be more true, can it?
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I dunno that, but in Cork (if your young, female and unmarried) you can be 'Kinda Pregnant' !
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I had the dumbest runner of all last year who ran into his house in bray, the fare was €45 when I got there and €75 when the cops arrived, he paid up in full the next day.
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The M50 toll crowd charge thousands of euros for late payments.
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I had Two lads in the cab one night, the first fella gets out in Whites cross and pays me 15 bucks, I drive the second fella to Glanmire where the fare is up to 22 Euro, yer man legs it IN A SUIT across a mucky field and I can see him splashing through puddles fer de sake of 7 Euro !
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I had Two lads in the cab one night, the first fella gets out in Whites cross and pays me 15 bucks, I drive the second fella to Glanmire where the fare is up to 22 Euro, yer man legs it IN A SUIT across a mucky field and I can see him splashing through puddles fer de sake of 7 Euro !
Dry cleaning bill €20.....and breakin yer bollox laffin....€7
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I had Two lads in the cab one night, the first fella gets out in Whites cross and pays me 15 bucks, I drive the second fella to Glanmire where the fare is up to 22 Euro, yer man legs it IN A SUIT across a mucky field and I can see him splashing through puddles fer de sake of 7 Euro !
Might have been dying for a Barry??
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i had the exact opposite of a runner a while ago.
you might call him a "rennur."
a fuckin smelly tramp cunt. i pulled the car over and bolted away from the car to get fresh car.
gave him a dickey diver to fuck off out of the car.
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A proper WHISTLE...not like the JB crAPP'
Scares the bejaysus out of the hardest of men...and women, so much so, it mught even earn you a soilage charge!! 8)