I had this Idiot in the cab one night, I picked him up by Finn's corner in
the middle of Cork city, he was carrying a closed Indian takeaway box,
as it was 4.30am in the morning and nothing at all doing on the street's
I took a chance on him with the food in his hand.
He sits in and seems decently sober asking to go to Midleton and
enquiring how much it would be ? I told him that it would be about
Thirty Five to Forty Euro IF it was just to Midleton. "Fine" he sez.
We head on and get chatting, then he opens his takeaway box and
starts eating a few chips with a plastic fork, I allow him as he seems
sober enough and I give him a few tissues, so as not to make a mess,
which in fairness he didn't and we chat away all the way to Midleton
about fast food takeaways and the best chippers in Cork.
When we get to his B&B address in Midleton the fare is at 34.45 and
I ask for just 34Euro, he sez to me; "Do you have a card ?", so I hand
him a taxi business card and he then sez; "Will you put your name
and number on the card for me and I will call tomorrow to pay you".
No way am I going along with that line and a Ten minute argument
takes place within the cab, seemingly he had No money, No wallet,
No bank card or No I.D. on him and he refuses my suggestion of
handing over his mobile phone as Security for him to pay the fare.
He must have told me every Lie under the Sun, Firstly about his wife
being Dead and than a few minutes later about how he needed his phone
to contact his wife who was on holidays in Spain !.
The meter was now up to 38Euro and I stopped it at that as I'd heard
enough of his Bullshit and rang 11850 on my phone,
"Midleton Garda station in Cork please", I requested from the operator,
he connected me straight through and I told the Midleton Gardai of
my predicament, the guard told me to drive to the Main street outside
the AIB bank by the Big roundabout and he would have a patrol car
meet me there shortly.
Yer man starts up, "You know that if you go to the Guards that I'm
going to pay you Nothing !", I replied smugly "We will see".
As we drive along he shouts "Stop, Stop I'll pay you" and he reaches in to
his pocket and pulls out a few notes of which I can see at least a Twenty,
a Ten and a Fiver, but he doesn't hand them over and I keep driving on for
my Garda Rendezvous point on the Main street, he re-pockets his notes and
starts on about how I'm over charging him and how the fare should be only
Twenty Five Euro. He attempts to start eating his Indian takeaway again,
but this time I'm not allowing it and another Row breaks out over me
disallowing him to eat within the Taxi, while I state Chapter and Verse of
the Taxi regulations regarding Food in the cab.
I'm well pleased after seeing yer man-o's cash and park my cab outside
the AIB bank, yer man goes on for an eternity about how I'm trying to
rob him as we wait for the patrol car, eventually I stand out for a ciggie
and yer man stands out aswell, I reach back in, grab his Indian takeaway
and hand it to him, I also take a Two Euro coin from my coin bag and
put it in my pocket before locking the car. No way was this idiot ever
going to see the inside of my cab again. Again I ring the Gardai in
Midleton asking should I just drive down the road to the Garda station ?
but I was told to wait where I was as the patrol car was on the way to me.
Idiot was also on his phone after dialling 999 to report me for something
or other, but the 999 operator had hung up on him after finding out that
it was not an Emergency call. A long Twenty minutes later with me having
to listen to Idiot spouting all kinds of rubbish the Garda patrol car arrives.
Two middle-aged male Burly Guards get out of their car, neither of them
looked like they were going to stand for too much nonsense, The guard
driving the patrol car approached me first asking "What's de Story ?",
I explain myself to him also telling him that 'He' has money but he won't
part with it and the Two Gardai go over to question the Idiot.
Idiot goes off on a massive Rant about me over charging telling the Guards
that I told him the fare would be only Thirty Euro when I picked him up
and how I had referred to him as a "Knacker" within the cab and various
other figments of his drunken imagination, even offering himself to be
arrested a few times. After Ten minutes of listening to him and trying to
coerce him in to paying for his cab, the First guard took his handcuffs from
his belt holder, he ran the Cuffs noisely through the ratchet twice while
saying, "Look, are ya gonna Pay or Not ?",
Idiot on hearing the sound of the Cuffs reached in to his pocket and
produced Forty Euro and offered it to me, I accepted it ungraciously
and gave him his Two Euro change. I sit back in to my cab thanking
the Gardai as they leave for their time and patience.
Idiot starts off again as the rain comes down, "How am I gonna get home ?",
the Guard now walking away from the scene back to his own patrol car
shouts back at him, "Not in that mans Taxi anyway, Walk !".
