Excerpt from 'Taxi Diaries';
Chapter 29. Not Again !
I realized I had been lucky Not to have a 'Barfer' in my First year as a
night time taxi-driver, but I didn't expect the Second One so soon !
I picked up this young couple both about 25'ish and both very well turned
out in designer gear, I collected them on Coburg street about 12.15am
Saturday night/Sunday morning, about Two weeks after the vomiting
incident with the young girls. They both sat into the back seat,
again I was driving 'My old Luv, the 98C Avensis'.
She was a lovely young tanned brunette and not too drunk, the tall fella
with her was well inebriated, maybe 'Sulking' because it looked like he
wasn't gonna 'Get Lucky' tonight, at first she was going on to Havana
Browns niteclub and he was going home to Carrigrohane, but she changed
her mind (due to his sulking) and decided they would both go back to her
house in Rochestown, to a Millionaires private estate in the middle of
Rochestown, she said to; ''Take the Link road as it would be faster'',
she was a really lovely chirpy young girl, we chatted away, the fella was
very quiet in the back beside her, we scooted out the link road and slipped
off the side of the 'Magic' roundabout, just after we had turned onto the
second part of the Link road heading to Douglas, yer man rolled down the
back window down and attempted to barf out of it, I immediately pulled over,
but way too late because he had covered himself, the taxi floor and the
inside of the back door plus most of the outside of the car door in vomit,
the smell was wafting throughout the car as we drove on for Rochestown.
I was most eager to get their address, all was quiet for most of the remainder
of the journey, except for herself to be constantly apologizing for him,
(I refused her apologies and told her that SHE had nothing to apologize for).
Everyone knew that there was going to be Trouble when we got to her home,
when we arrived, I calmly explained about the One Hundred and Forty Euro
soiling charge and told them; ''The car would be off the road for the rest of
the weekend and it would have to be valeted on Monday'',
the young girl offered to clean up some of it herself, but I told her;
"It wasn't worth it, it would have to be valeted anyway".
Yer man got out and staggered about for a bit, he was covered, really
covered in vomit, all over his face, arms and clothes, then he offered me
Thirty Euro in cash and promised to settle the remainder another day,
I refused that point blank, yer man started getting Shirty with me and
he made the mistake of saying to me; "Don't be a Jack-Ass about it !",
the Red Mist descended upon me and I left him have it 'verbally' right
between the eyes, I threw a right few Fukcs into him, probably the most
sensible bit was; "Why de Fukc, didn't you just ask me to pull-over ?",
anyway he was reeling after his 'Bollocking' and realized he had to pay,
so all back into the car, meter running all the time and on to an ATM
in the nearest garage in Rochestown autos, he couldn't work it after
a few attempts due to his alcohol over-indulgence, so his lovely girlfriend
had to put in his PIN number, etc for him, when we were all back in the car,
she asked me; "How much all-together, including the fare ?",
I said; "By the time your home again, be about Thirty Euro plus One Hundred
and Forty soiling charge, it will be One Hundred and Seventy Euro all in",
so she paid in full with his cash, I dropped them both to her home 'quietly'
we said goodbye civilly at about 12.30am.
I immediately went home, had a good look around in the back of the taxi,
thought out my cleaning strategy; Garden hose, which I always keep at the
ready for washing cars, hot water, cloth's and fairy liquid, febreeze,
dettol disinfectant spray, newspapers and plenty of kitchen roll,
And set about my task, I attempted to clean-off the inside of the back door,
but gave up quickly and opened it out and turned the garden hose on the
inside of the door, then I set about the task of cleaning up the contents of
another mans stomach from the floor and seats of the taxi. Thanks be to God
a good share of it was on the rubber mats. All the cleaning, changing, washing, Etc
took about an hour & a half as I had to change out of my taxi uniform before
starting the cleaning and adorn an old trackie and tee-shirt, wash myself up after
and change back into uniform again before hitting the busy club closing time of 2am.
I was back in that taxi, Me and Cab as 'Clean as a whistle' and on the road at 2.01am,
plus One Hundred and Seventy Euro better off, but Jaysus, I earned it, the Hard Way !!