This fucking job can break you

[Firewall]

A few years ago late one Sunday during the summer I picked these arseholes and a lady up in town. Was about 5am and they wanted to go to howth to try and get in to some early house. one of them gets in the front. keeps fucking with the radio. A gobby smartmouth cunt in my ear the whole way. starts quizzing me and every answer I give him is derided loudly. chose to ignore the cunt after a while which was dangerous because it was letting him know that he got to me. wudda fucked them all out except the lady in the back had kept quiet and there was fuck all traffic. Reach howth and there was a taxi parked outside the bloody stream. Ask him if he knows where you get booze at this hour. Could'nt hear what the chap was saying because the cunt in the front starts mouthing loudly and insulting the driver.  We pull up outside the kip and the cunt in the front tells me if it is'nt open I'm not getting paid. I snapped. Could'nt take it any longer. IF I DON'T SEE ANY FUCKING MONEY IN THE NEXT 5 SECONDS YOU'RE GONNA GET FUCKING MURDERED. They all knew the jig was up and his pal quickly paid the dosh and dragged the cunt in the front out. Fucking booted it out of there.
Problem is there was nobody else to pick up after that. Went home and could'nt sleep cause I was so fucking wound up.

I'll have to remember that next time. "your all getting fucking murdered" ha,  love it

[Cool Boola]

He said he was already wound up.  .don't ya know!

[Dr. Martin Gooter Bling]

Did you have a pedal?

was too late to have an Anne Frank.

[U Wha]

Last saturday night gone, near end of night , 3.30am, top of Harcourt street, 3 young student type yanks jump in, say rathoath, Ashbourne. I am thinking lovely way to finish night.

By the time I have got to the bottom of harcourt street, they are mouthing off that a taxi brought them in for 35 yo yo's fixed (probably hackney) and told them no way should they pay any more to get back and how much would I be charging. I said I don't know, I don't usually work in that area but it would be on the meter but at a guess more like €50.

Got a verbal tirade about how they weren't going to be ripped off by a thieving Irish taxi driver cos they had been warned. I told them to fuck off out of the car and went straight home like a cunt driving past the street zombies on Wexford street.

Took me ages to relax when I got home helped by a couple of JD's. Like to think I have developed a thick skin, but that jibe about thieving Irish Taxi's got through, Bastards!

[Dr. Martin Gooter Bling]

temple bar needs to be atomic bombed, the George up to the Bleeding Horse needs to be carpet bombed and somebody needs to walk up Harcourt street with a flamethrower.

[Belker]

Took me ages to relax when I got home helped by a couple of JD's. Like to think I have developed a thick skin, but that jibe about thieving Irish Taxi's got through, Bastards!

I'll have to admit that particular line really pisses me off too.

[Belker]

It was a Saturday night at 3am, the weekend coming up to xmas,
the town was awash with customers looking for taxis, the base was
looking to get about Ten jobs covered, the usual Pandemonium !

I covered a base job for the Rochestown park hotel,
(which is not one of our hotels) hoping to get a half sober customer,
I was given a mobile number to ring as I drove in to the hotel.

I rang the number as about Thirty odd customers tried to flag me down on
approaching the entrance, my customer answered his phone and waved
at me and I spotted him Wobbling and wearing a Santa hat in the middle
of a large drunken crew.
He came over to me over-relieved at getting a taxi and sat in to the back,
his mate also sat in the back and they called over a Third friend to join them.

The Third Drunk lad arrived at the front passenger door and opens it up,
a big tall gangly young lad with a Kerry accent, about 25'ish.
He leans in and put's his Two big hairy hands on the front seat and sez out loud,
"PUT ON UR BEST COORS MUSIC DERE NOW BEY",
I look Crooked at him, he continues as he starts to enter the cab,
"PUT ON DE BEST COORS MUSIC NOW, AND NO FUKCIN TAXI SHITE !".
Usually I'm very placid with all customers, but this guy was pressing
all the wrong buttons at exactly the wrong time.

Ken shouts, "GET IN, SIT DE FUKC DOWN, SHUT UR FUKCIN MOUTH
OR FUKC OFF SOMEWHERE ELSE !".
Kerry Drunk, "OK, OK, Right and das one Naff Fukcin ear-ring".
Ken shouts, "GREAT, YOU DON'T LIKE IT, FOOK OFF, GET DE FUKC OUT
AND FUKC OFF SOMEWHERE ELSE, NOW ARE WE FUKCING GOING OR STAYING ?"
The Two lads in the back sheepishly say "Go, please".

And we head on for the Sarsfield road in total silence where the back two lads
exit and pay a few quid up to the drunk Kerry lad, I watch them go through their
front door noting their address. Everything is done in silence as I drop the Kerry
lad in Bishopstown wondering would he Hit me or Run from the cab, I didn't care
if he did either, I had him nailed by his friends address.
He paid his fare in full, only half slamming the door on his exit.

[Belker]

Many years back after a really Poxy Sat night which saw me getting
Shitty base jobs, No-contacts and Poxy staff jobs I got a bell on me
Dog for a bootleg run at 5am fer Cathal.
A usual customer looking fer 16 cans to be delivered to Shanakiel,
the price was agreed 2 Bucks a can + 10 delivery = 42Euro.

As I was turning in to the Shanakiel park, I got a Flag-down
from a young Nordie lad looking to get home to College road,
being a Greedy Fook, I loaded him in, telling him that I'd
"Just ta do a Delivery at the top of the road First".
He was Fine with it and I could see my bootleg customer at the top
of the road waving at me.
I drive up to him, but he is not my usual customer and he sez to me,
"I've 25 here, is dat OK ?".
The 16 cans are now sitting on my new customers lap in the
front seat and the 'Red Mist' is descending upon me.
 
Idiot then tells me he has only 25Euro, I let loose,
"YOUR A FOOKIN IDIOT, THE DEAL WAS DONE FER 42Euro,
WHO DE FOOK ARE YOU ? AND WHERE DE FOOK IS CATHAL
WHO I DID THE FOOKIN DEAL WITH ?".

Cathal then appears, but my RANT is far from finished, "CATHAL,
THIS IS THE DEAL, KEEP THAT FUCKIN SHITHEAD AWAY FROM ME".
But Idiot/Shithead has more to say, and he gets it in de Neck again.
In the meantime, Cathal's girlfriend a lovely young girl comes over
to the cab amidst it all saying "Are u really Ken Cash ?"
I have to change my Demeanor in a second telling her politely,
I was, before reverting back to Bollocking the Two boys.

Eventually I got paid in full with the new young customer
in the front seat slightly flabbergasted by the whole incident.
He was from Fermanagh and I dropped him to his digs
on College road, the fare was 6Euro, but he gave me a
Tenner saying that "It was the best taxi ride of my Life" !

[Belker]

It looks like you've met a tough customer, suggest you install a dual lens dash cam, so you can avoid unnecessary losses.
I see a dual lens dash cam for taxi drivers here.http://www.azdome.hk/product-detail-32-azdome-GS65H-1.html

They were not tough customers Annika 123, my next tale was a Tough customer
and I sure didn't want a dashcam in the cab recording it !

[Belker]

I got a base job one night to collect a fare from Ballinure in Mahon at
about 3.30am, I got directions over the phone from a drunk elderly
lady into her estate and she tells me, "Its not for me but for my son".
Eventually the son comes out, a dirty looking fella about my own
height and weight, but a few years younger than me.

In he sits and stares at me with two huge googly eyes, it looked like
a good mix of cannabis, pills & alcohol, "Douglas" he says. No problems,
I drive on, my customer slurs a few incoherent sentences,
I just 'Nod and Smile', he directs me into the Topaz in Douglas village,
he exits warning me 'Not to leave and I won't be in any bother'
he buys cigarettes with his credit card but is refused cash back,
so I tell him; "We can put the card tru with the base or there is an ATM
around the corner".
He points at the corner and we drive over to the ATM, he gets out and
obviously can't work the machine due to his drunken condition.
I'm thinking 'Cut n Run' but its a base job and I flipping can't 'Cut n Run'.
He hails me out to help him, I go up to aid him but he refuses to tell
me his pin number, I leave him and sit back in the car and start it up,
he hails me back a second time with the exact same result.

10 minutes later with him drunkenly pressing all the ATM buttons,
I'd had enough and started to drive off leaving him at the ATM,
but he followed straight away and sat back in the cab. I told him that
we would put the card through with the base, he half-agreed, nodding
the 'Noddy-smile'. Then we started a 20 minute tour of Douglas, all over
Greenhill's, Rosebank, Front & back Douglas roads, all with me demanding
to get his address and him refusing to tell me, him getting more abusive
and aggressive and pointing where to be taken, eventually he slurred
"Douglas Baths", so I headed for the swimming pool, with absolutely no
intention of letting him near the swimming pool lane to do a Runner.
I got onto the main Douglas road and high-tailed it for town.

Langer Dan was now pulling at the base radio mic and I was trying to
drive and keep him away from it, when we got up to the crossroads by
Zicos pizza, I told him; "Tell me ur address now or its a Garda matter".
I knew this would blow his mind, but I was sick-shit of him, he immediately
became much more aggressive telling me to do an immediate 360 or he
was going to 'Whack me'. I said "Fine, we head back to Douglas this way",
and I booted off for town, we got as far as Copley street and he leant
across me and dragged the keys out of the ignition, somehow I managed
to stop the car without crashing it, considering my power braking and
power steering were gone, as soon as I stopped I grabbed him by the arm,
because he was attempting to flee out of his door with my car and house keys.
I called into the base looking for emergency assistance, the base operator
called the Gardai for me immediately, but he still had my car keys.
I managed to talk him into giving me back the key's under the promise
that I would recontinue my tour of Douglas, he had bent the ignition key
pulling it out, but I managed to straighten it and get the car going again.

I drove straight across Angelsea street the wrong way and hailed a
passing squad car, parking headlong into Anglesea Street Garda station
and blocking a line of traffic, I gave the Garda a brief description of what
had just happened and the Guard asked me to park the car up properly.
I sat back in to the cab and Langer Dan threw a sneaky 'Sucker' punch at
me, which caught me in the lower jaw, I jumped out of the car straight
away, but the Guards had parked away down near the crossroads and
they were both still in their squad car.

So whilst I'm stood outside my cab with no one at all coming to my aid,
I up with my cowboy boot and left yer-man 'Have it', in tru the door twice,
one in the side and one in the chest, I pulled back for a third good kick
aiming the point of my boot at his ribs, but alas the heel of my boot caught
on the drivers seat and took away most of the brunt of the kick, maybe just
aswell because if I had kicked him full bore with the toe of my boot it might
well have driven his Spleen out through his Nose !
(But he will still have some nice bruises to show the next morning).
 
When the guards came along, I was nursing my injured jaw, I told the guards,
he had hit me in the jaw with his fist and Langer Dan was trying to explain
that I had assaulted him, by showing the guards a black eye that was
obviously a week or more old, the gardai laughed that off, actually the guards
were very jovial over the whole thing, because yer man was just so stupid and
stoned outta his head, a guard searched his pockets and came up with 8Euro
which he gave to me, he took all our details and said to me that he would try
and get me the the other 25Euro for the fare during the week.
A Paddy wagon was called and Langer Dan was cuffed and taken away.

I never heard anything back from the Gardai about it, which was fair enough,
in my eyes I had extracted my own 'Street justice' and happy to let it lie.

[mercenary for hire]

Ken most won't read all that.... but last week some wagon left a dirty tissue in me rear coffee cup holder..I was fukking livid.

[Belker]

Ken most won't read all that.... but last week some wagon left a dirty tissue in me rear coffee cup holder..I was fukking livid.

I always go back to their home and throw their litter left in the cab back in to their front garden.
If'n I was ever caught on CCTV doing it then I would state that, "I was returning lost property" !

Just as I did last week with Two chungwans and one of em barfing in to a bag along the way,
to cut a long story short, they paid their fare on arrival at their home and exited.
After they left, I checked the back and found her vomit bag on the ground which I disposed of
in to her front garden.

[Cool Boola]

Its payback time

[Shallowhal]

Picked a guy up on the quays on Sunday morn at 2.30am,said would i do Ashbourne for €45...no probs says i,dropped him before 3am...and continued on to the sunny North East....can't be dealing with gobshites anymore,the sooner the 1600 get here to work till 5.30-6 in the mornin the better!!

[Rat Catcher]

Ken most won't read all that.... but last week some wagon left a dirty tissue in me rear coffee cup holder..I was fukking livid.

I was only thinking about dirty snot rags last night when emptying the rear floor mats at the filling station and there was one amongst the litter. It was actually the second time I noticed one on the floor and on both occasions a passenger had asked for a tissue the previous night and I obliged as I had a few McDonalds serviettes in the glove box under the baby wipes. Got me to wondering how those post deregulation taxi drivers that leave tissues on display cope with the waste, they must have Rentokil booked every day.