Excerpt from 'Taxi Diaries'; Part 1.
Chapter 35. Knackers.
Knackers, Travelling People, Gypsies, Tinkers, Pikeys, whatever you wish
to call them, but for this story I will call them by the common Cork phrase
of 'Knackers'.
(Which is defiantly not true as a Real Knacker-man is someone who collects
dead or dying animals from a farm, animals not fit for human consumption,
as they have not been slaughtered properly, but only fit for dog-meat).
A great friend of my fathers and indeed a great friend of my own, Jack
from Mogeely (R.I.P.) was a real Knacker man, my father Lawrence used
to call to him for dog-meat when myself and my brother Pat were young,
we were both only about 9 or 10 years old at the time, there were scores
of greyhounds running loose in Jack's yard and many carcase's of dead cows
lying about the place to feed the dogs and all kinds of cows intestines
trailed about the place.
The stench of dead animals in the yard was unbearable at the start,
but after a few years you just got used to it. Myself and my brother's
favourite was the dead cows head in the big barrel of water and we
would poke it up and down with a stick to see the maggots appear on
the other side of the skull.
Jack was the original gentle giant, a huge man and a bare-fist fighter in
his day, Two huge hands the size of garden spades, which were often laid
upon my head or across the back of my neck with unexpected tenderness.
I treasured his touch and I knew this huge man would never wrong me.
That same hand that he patted me gently on the head with as a young boy,
was often used to put many a man much bigger than me on the flat of his back
and had also been used with great strength and accuracy in the road bowling
championships of East Cork.
Once my father and my brother Pat called to Jack while I was in bed unwell
and Pat (about 10) wandered off into the yard on his own, a saucy greyhound
started growling at him and Pat froze, within a minute Pat was encircled by a
group of saucy greyhounds all growling and snarling at him.
My father and Jack were chatting in his living room, but Jack spotted what
was happening out in the yard through the window, he leapt from his seat
grabbed his shovel by the back door and ran toward the circle of dogs,
scattering them in an instant. I think another couple of minutes without the
Knacker mans intervention and my brothers number would have been up.
As the story would have it, once upon a time Big Jack was called out to a
lady farmers yard to take away and dispose of a live young heifer who had
broken both his back legs in a fall, the lady farmer asked of Jack;
"Do you have the new humane killer ?",
She was thinking of the most up-to-date shot in the head gun type thing,
Jack replied; "Of course I have Mam",
and he continued to load the half dead beast on to his truck and then he
killed it with his own 'Humane killer', a blow of his sledge-hammer right
into the back of his Skull !
To continue with my original story,
after a brief insight into a real Knacker-mans world.
A Knackers wedding one Wednesday night in a Cork city hotel;
The Knackers/Travelling people are very cute and they send in a well
spoken person to book their wedding's arrangements using a credit card,
he books the ballroom for the wedding party plus a few rooms for
overnight accommodation.
On the day the Knackers arrive in mass in Hiace vans with balloons flying
off them, the hotel staff let them in, as they are all paid for and all the
knackers are on their best behaviour throughout the meal and the dancing
afterwards, there is a bar extension until 1.30am and a residents bar till all
hours, the travelling community are all well inebriated by 1.30am.
The residents bar is cancelled and calm is far from their mind, the hotel staff
are trying to cajole them into waiting reluctant taxis.
I arrived to collect some customers at 1.30am and went into the hotel desk.
The Grandmother Knacker, whose arse looked like she has delivered
about 12 kids (which was a fair assumption) was haggling with the female
receptionist (a friend of mine) and she was threatening violence toward her,
but the security personnel, who were standing close by, did not intervene,
which I thought he should have, she was haggling very loudly and getting
way too close to the desk personnel. I work closely with these people and
we all look after each other, but the Drunk Grandmother knacker was way
too close to the receptionist for my liking, who was refusing her to be served
any more drink, eventually the gardai arrived and the grandmother knacker
was told; "To get into my taxi or be taken to the Bridewell".
Eventually she was poured into my taxi and I headed for Sundays Well,
with Grandma Knacker telling me the wrongs of the world and all the
children that had died on her.
When we got to her home, all her windows were broken, so I helped her
out of the car and she looked through her broken front windows.
The house had been shredded inside, everything had been broken or
turned over and their was blood all over the windows and the doorframe
and blood on the white walls outside house, plus Two squad cars and
a paddywagon waiting outside for her.
I returned to the hotel, as was my job.
At 2am this same night as I returned every knacker in the hotel was
shouting or fighting with another knacker and a load of young knackers
(under 10) were running wild around the place and Gardai everywhere.
Its all about Bull-shit,
The job is, get the Knackers in the car, get them home, GET PAID,
(ALWAYS the hard part !) and get away fast.
One fat ugly young knacker girl brought half a bottle of champagne home
with her in the taxi and spilt it on the floor in the back of the car, Bitch !!
And another hefty busty young knacker girl dressed in a turquoise bridesmaids
dress had no money to pay her fare, so she paid the fare with her gold watch
and promised to call to the base and pay the fare tomorrow in return for the
watch, which she did, Six weeks later !!
Some knackers are OK, some are not, but when they have drink in them,
they are all best avoided.
I collected this fare one night on McCurtain street at about 4am, a traveller
or rather a Knacker asking to go out to Mahon, I was playing my favourite
Akon C.D. and the Knacker was enjoying it too, he went on to tell me his
misses told him today that she was expecting twins and that he was
'Over the moon about it', and in general we had a decent bit of banter
along the 20 minute journey to Mahon, he directed me into the halting site
at the arse's end of Mahon and he exited the taxi, he started hugging fellas
who appeared out of nowhere, obviously they had heard the news about
the twins and that two more welfare recipients where heading their way.
I was now inside the halting site and I shouted over to my customer,
"How's about de fare, you owe me 16Euro",
the Knacker waved his hand in a kinda 'I'll be with you in a minute way',
so I waited a minute, new in the taxi game and not fully realising that
I was parked bang smack in the middle of a Halting site !
I shouted over to my Knacker;
"Are you gonna pay or wa, if ur not gonna pay, tell me and I'll fukc off",
he shouts back; "No, I'm not paying ya, Fukc off !".
My choices were limited. Should I get out and go after a Knacker inside
a halting site ? Or call the Guardai for a Sixteen Euro fare ?,
I'm sure they would give me a short answer, simple solution, drive away,
forget about it And Learn.
Another incident,
I collected Four knacker lads outside the Gate cinema on Bachelors Quay
one Tuesday night asking to go to Mallow, one lad paid Twenty-Five Euro
up front with coins, when we approached Mallow they changed their minds
and said 'Charlevillle', there was Fifty euro up on the meter, so I stopped
on the roundabout in Mallow and demanded more cash up front.
Eventually after much haggling I got another Twenty Five in coins again and
I told them; "That's us square up to here, be another 30 or 40 to Charleville".
One big drunk lad in the back was threatening 'To beat de shite outta me,
if I didn't drive on soon', then that drunk knacker exited the cab and urinated
in the middle of the road. I got tough with the other Three quieter lads while he
was out and got another Fifteen euro off them again in coins and I agreed to drive on.
When we got to Charleville the fare was 95Euro and I asked for the remaining Thirty,
knowing that I wasn't gonna get it all, but hoping for another Tenner or whatever,
no joy, the Four boys walked off saying; "Sorry sir, we have no more money",
and still I could hear the coins jingling in at least Two of their pockets, wherever
they got/robbed all the coins from ?
It was a Tuesdays night and I got 65Euro off the boys, How bad !
Another incident saw me collect a middle aged knacker couple after a wedding
in a city hotel at 3am and asked to be brought to Fair hill, the man asked to go
for grub, they both seemed very respectable settled travellers, so I agreed.
We drove down St Patrick street to see all the food outlets closing,
Mc Donald's they refused to go in to, we eventually found a fast food restaurant
open on the Grand Parade, himself went in and I waited chatting with his wife,
a very pleasant lady, he arrives back out with Two bags full of chicken and chips.
He keeps one box on his lap and hands the rest back to his wife, I politely say;
"Don't have that now in the taxi, wait till you get home",
He nods, next I look and he has got half a chicken rammed into his gob and
she is having it away with a breast-in-the-bun in the back seat, he exclaims;
"Ah, we're only having a quick nibble on the way home Sir",
I throw my eyes to heaven, sure tis spilt milk now anyway and I drive on quickly
for Fair hill, we arrive at their home. Mr Knacker exits and tells me of how big
a tip I'm gonna get for being so good to them, he roots out 8Euro in coins for
a Sixteen Euro fare and shouts over to his wife, who is half-way into her home
for more money, she shouts back; "I'v No money" and continues on her way,
Mr Knacker apologises to me and says;
"I'm sorry Sir, I didn't realise the chips would cost so much",
as he closes the cab door and walks off in home, leaving a mess of chicken
bones and chips in both the front and back seats.